Fantasies

Sometimes I feel the urge to act out my fantasies, but I guess that would earn me an audience with the higher-ups, whom I have no wish to see. So here I am, indulging myself by posting a blog on things that I would have done to the stupid patients that I see everyday.

Scenario 1
I pressed the green button to generate a queue number for the patient, took one of the tickets and told the patient to take the other. Patient looked around and proceed to walk off. Normally, I would call the patient back and repeat what I just told them about the queue ticket.

However, what I really want to say is, "Come back here you stupid, and take the queue number. So stupid till you can't understand simple instructions?!"

Or, "Eh bimbo, will you just take the queue ticket!" If the patient is a young lady.

Scenario 2
Patient asked me if the glucosamine I dispensed to him/her was from animal source. When I told her it is derived from animal sources, they started ranting and raving as if they were possessed by an animal on how we should not be giving him/her glucosamine from animal sources as he/she is a vegetarian. *roll my eyes*

Usually I would give the patient an irritated look and ask if he/she told the doctor that she is a vegetarian. However, there was just once I was so pissed off that I actually asked the patient if the words "I'm a Vegetarian" were carved on her forehead. Got the patient there, and I quickly followed it with a rhetorical question, "If those words aren't on your forehead, then who knows you're a vegetarian?"

Amazing how people simply do not think it important to communicate such information to their doctors and waited till they are at the pharmacy to inform us.

Scenario 3
I am busy dispensing to a patient, and this other patient has to interrupt me just to ask me what he/she needs to do with his/her prescription. Depending on my mood, I may ask the patient to read the instructions or help the patient press the green button for a queue number.

However, what I really want to do is to tell the patient, "Are you stupid or what? The instructions are right in front of you, and don't you have eyes to see that I am busy with another patient here?! If I missed out any information in my counseling and anything happens to this patient, I will come after you with a vengeance."

Scenario 4
I was busy dispensing to a patient, another patient came with the prescription, looked at the instructions, decided it is not worth the time reading them, simply dropped the prescription without a queue ticket attached into the tray then walked off.

After I finished with my first patient I would have to call the patient back and ask the stupid question of whether they took any queue number. Proceed to press the green button and give them a queue ticket.

What I really want to do is just ignore the prescription. It can sit in the tray till the molecules of the paper form a permanent bond with the molecules of the tray. My life is too short to be wasted on such stupid people.

Scenario 5
Patient complained our waiting time was long. I kept my trap shut and continue to dispense as fast as I can.

What I want to do is to tell them if they find our waiting time is long, they can always collect their medicine at the main pharmacy. What I would not tell them is the waiting time at the main pharmacy can be as long as 2 hours, whilst mine is only about 20-25mins on really really busy days.

Your Pharmacist Cringes When You...

1. Tell me you take medicine for your heart, and when I try to find out more, it just turn up blank stares from you. Telling me you take medicine for your heart problem is not a lot of help. Do you take the meds for your BP? For heart failure? For angina? Tell me the medicine name or at least show me a sample of the medicine you are taking. How else am I suppose to tell you whether the medicine the doctor just gave you has any interaction with the ones you are already taking? I graduated from the school of pharmacy, not the school of divinity. And no, I am not friends with Harry Potter & co so I do not know anything about legilimens.

2. Ask me if the medicine I am dispensing to you has any drug interactions and what drugs you have to avoid. As far as I know, all drugs have interaction with some other drugs. However, I do not think you have the intellectual capacity to handle the information because you cannot even differentiate tramadol from paracetamol; you think everything with a -ol at the end is Panadol. Even if you can differentiate tramadol from paracetamol, it is still useless. You still cannot process the information because you are not a drug expert. The drug names will be jargon to you.

3. Tell me you want the pink/white/orange tablet and the brown/red syrup. *take a deep breath* Tell . Me . The . Medicine . Name. There are many tablets that share the same color, and shape. Ditto for syrups; many cough syrups happen to be of the same color. Do not expect your pharmacist to play guessing games with you. I am very busy.

4. Give stupid answers to my questions. For example, when I dispense loperamide and ask if you have diarrhea, the correct answers would be "yes" or "no", NOT "I don't know"! If "yes" we can both get on with our lives; "no" I will probably have to probe you a little and check with the doctor if he clicked the wrong item from the drop down list, it's just a little more work, but I can handle. "I don't know" will just get you a are-you-a-retard look from me. When I probe and ask you for the reason you came to see the doctor, you tell me you have loose stools...

5. Tell me you had not given your child his epileptic medicine for 2 days because you ran out of medicine. You had not had the time to see the medical social worker to get financial aid nor the time to come down for an appointment with the doctor. The result: your child had a fit right in front of my pharmacy. Have a heart, every time your child goes into a fit, a part of his brain gets damaged.